


Spinster

by Luna_reclipse



Category: The Avengers, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor - Fandom
Genre: AU, And Odin over threw and slayed all of Loki's family, I even made a map, In which Asgard is a country, M/M, The jotuns in this story are just fighting to gain access to a body of water., and was ruled by a Jotun dynasty, that was previously part of Jutunheim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:34:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna_reclipse/pseuds/Luna_reclipse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is blind and mute, forced to spin thread in a tower. Thor visits him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spinster

**_Insensitive_ **

_i. My seeking hands have torn_

Loki gasps softly as Thor’s mouth traces a path from his chest to his naval. It is so different now. Thor touches him with reverence, leaves no red marks on neck or collar, and presses soft kisses all over. Thor kisses him with guilt and longing and love and Loki thinks Thor would never admit it but there is a sense of satisfaction in Thor’s kisses, as if he is glad Loki is locked up and deprived of his magic.

It’s dark. It’s always dark now, but he doesn’t need to miss his vision. His magic makes up for almost everything. He can’t see, but he can feel Thor beside him.

When Thor leaves Loki remains in bed. He doesn’t want to spin any thread today. He had smelt the rain on Thor and remembered how the rain had felt on his skin, when he could still roam all over the country. It makes him feel sad and lazy.

It has been years since his feet touched the earth. He was never one to love the feel of dirt under him, but it has been years since he felt the grass. At least they allow him air, the open window welcoming any breeze that cares to come through. They aren’t allowed to close it. Last time they tried, he hit the glass until his hands bled. And they can’t have that again, how will he spin the thread without his hands?

Some say when Loki was born, the oracle announced he would either bring glory or doom to the kingdom. And others yet say it was prophesized _both_ glory and doom would come through his hands.

The maids say he was one when the king came and took him to live with the royal family. They say he came from abject poverty in the Potimna province. Loki never actively sought for his past—he had been happy in his present, but one time Thor and he had gone straight through the center of the province on their way to the Sunoutian Mountains—to hunt strange creatures for Thor and gather herbs for Loki. Loki couldn’t help it. It was in his nature to pay attention to his surroundings. There were no poor families in Potimna.  

The rain was starting again. He could hear it from out the window. He could never hear it hit the ground, but he could hear a distant sound like water running and the soft plop plop plop against the tower walls. When the wind blew it in, he could feel some drops on his face. He would have to remember later, not to trip in the puddles if he wanted to sit by the window.

Today would be a nice day to lie in bed and study. He gets up to bring down the tapestry hanging over his bed. Thor had brought this one to Loki about a month ago. He replaces it with the tapestry Thor brought him today, his fingers itch to read it, to feel over the bumps like pages beneath his fingertips. It was unnecessary though. He could simply read its energy, goodness know how long he spent practicing that. But there was something about holding the tapestry in his hands that reminded him of when he could still see and all the books in the library were exciting adventures of their own. The newest tapestry would be the first elfin one he has, but he resists, he had put off learning Dwarven metal bending for too long. He remembers when he first discovered the messages that tapestries—the right tapestries—held. They saved him.

_He’d almost given up hope on ever getting out when Thor had brought him his first tapestry. He couldn’t even sit up from the hunger, but Thor’s presence was welcome. Loki wasn’t even interested in the tapestry at the time, but he remembered it. Thor had brought it to him to try and lift his spirits. It hadn’t at first, since he couldn’t see it and it just reminded him how stupid Thor could be._

_Several days later he thought he heard Fenrir crying in pain and in Loki’s haste to try and get up, his hand brushed against the tapestry. It felt as if the tapestry was filled with this wealth of power that rushed into his body. He felt light, his hunger was gone, as if every wrong in his body had been fixed and for the first time since he’d been locked in the tower, he felt his magic._

_He reached out. It was like he could see again. He cast out his magic searching for his children. Fenrir was still chained; Jormungandr, likely still across the ocean since Loki could only feel a slight pull to signify his child was still alive; Hela was still in Loki’s chambers at the castle, plotting something no doubt; Sleipnir, in the stables. The beloved children of his magic._

_The tapestry spoke to him, stirred his magic. It made patterns stand out like glowing pathways all around him. He absorbed the knowledge with all his being. Loki had found a reason to live in this horrid state, there was a way out._

_Loki remained sitting there, hand to the tapestry for the rest of the evening._

The bustling everyday life sounds still came from outside the tower despite the rain. He could hear the frantic sounds of the laundry girls taking the clothes inside. Ever since they took his sight, Loki could hear farther, sense more.

Today was as good a day as any to test how his magic had grown. He sent out a little to a tapestry in the castle’s main hall, by now, all of the castle tapestries should have his thread, all the more potent for his magic. A small fire should do.

He waited. Then the screams came.

 

_ii. your tissue thin barriers._

 

Thor was coming upstairs. No matter how lightly he tried to tread, Thor’s feet could never be silent. Oh Thor, lovely Thor. The boy who could deny Loki nothing.

Well, except in the face of his father.

Loki can feel Thor’s eyes on him the moment he enters the room. For some reason Thor has always been mesmerized by Loki when he’s spinning. Well, it may be that Thor is just always mesmerized by Loki, but Thor is always silent for a while when he watches Loki spin.  

Loki remembered the first time he had spun a wheel. He hated it then. But now he has learned to find comfort in the feeling of the spinning wheel and its soft murmurs. In the way it carries out his bidding. It was nothing like that the first time.

_Loki was exploring the castle when Odin sent for him. The guards led him to the spinning room. Loki was confused, whenever Odin had called for him, he was in the throne room, why was today different? And why was there only one wheel in the room? Frigga stood beside Odin._

_When he was younger still, Odin told him about how, at his birth, the oracle had prophesized that it would be through his hands that salvation and prosperity would come to the kingdom. Loki had an important role to play. He was to spin the thread for all the tapestries in the castles and if there was war, his tapestries would be hung in the war tents to protect the generals. Because the oracle had prophesized that Loki could spin blessed thread. Loki’s thread could be spelled to protect the entire kingdom. Which meant that from that day on, Loki must spend all his days in the spinning room, to protect the kingdom. Loki wasn’t stupid, he knew what it meant, what being cooped up in a room all day would do to him, he was to go crazy from the death of his mind. It was the price he was to pay for being the King’s foster son. For being taught how to read, while he was just a peasant. For having food and clothing while the poor of the kingdom starved. For living in luxury. He was to pay with the rest of his life. And his mind._

_He had known this day, or something like it, would come. Odin and Frigga had been kind to him, everyone had been kind to him, but he had eyes. He sees. He saw how the only ones treated well were those who had uses or were nobility. He was not nobility—his birth had never been kept secret from him. He knew that while he was raised beside Thor and Balder, hailed as son, one day he would find out his use. Find out what it was that made the king take him from his parents._

_That very first day he was forced to spin well into the night because the emissary of a hostile country was coming in a couple of days. His fingers bled. And no one came to see him._

Loki liked to remember that moment whenever he let his mind become too quiet. He liked to remember how much people wouldn’t mind if he never thought at all. Whenever he remembered that moment he had the strength to wake up, to reassess his life and try to improve even if that improvement meant staging a failed coup.   

Loki stopped spinning and stood up. Strong arms wrap around his middle. He wanted to murmur Thor’s name, but his tongue would never stir again. He settled for sighing and sinking into Thor’s grasp.

“Loki. I missed you.” Thor whispered.

Loki wanted to smile. It had been less than a day since he’d seen Thor. But he couldn’t let Thor think his captivity was anything less than torture so he moved to twist away from Thor.

“Yesterday, half of the hall burnt down.”

Loki freezes.

“The Minas ambassador thought it was an assassination attempt on his life and is threatening to withdraw his troops from the Lusha front.”

Loki tilts his head and does his best confusion sound.

“It should have been just a fire, but the origination pattern was identified as similar to the bombings of our war camps throughout this year.”

Loki want to shout, “And?!” but just writes “ **morale?”** on Thor’s palm.

“It’s terrible Loki, with the repeated bombings the people had begun to question if there was a spy among our ranks, morale was already low amongst the soldiers, but with the fire yesterday... The people have never felt the fighting so close. Odin has dedicated much of our forces to finding the bomber.”

Loki can feel it, the smirk threatening to break out across his face. He turns quickly and kisses Thor, putting more passion into it than he has shown Thor in the past few years. Loki can sense Thor’s surprised and then acceptance by how he tries to speak at first and then gives into the kiss. Loki controls this kiss, how deep it goes, how much is given, Thor lets him take over.

Thor doesn’t know, but it’s his reward for helping Loki these past years. He doesn’t forgive Thor for not helping him break out, but Thor’s guilt punishes him for Loki. Loki can tell how much Thor regrets not being able to put Loki ahead of king and country. He can tell because Thor does questionable things like tell Loki the military plans and gives Loki updated copies of all military locations, even if he thinks Loki can’t see and that Loki has no one to show the plans to.

So this is also Loki’s apology, because every single “bombing” was at strategic locations vital to the war, locations that Thor had unknowingly supplied Loki with. There are only five more places to go before Odin will have to start all over again. He can’t wait to get started.

Loki breaks the kiss. He’ll have to send Thor home early so he can plan. He pulls away to go to the window, but it looks like Thor has other plans because he drags Loki to the bed and throws him on it. Loki’s breath expels in a gust. Urgh. That barbarian. Thor hasn’t been this rough with Loki since he’d been locked up in this tower. Loki couldn’t even try to sit up before Thor is on top of him, pinning him to the sheets. Dammit. That kiss earlier must have lit some dormant flames in Thor because then Thor’s lips are on him, none of the loving touches from before, Thor seems adamant about sucking a mark onto Loki’s neck. Loki struggles, but that only gets his wrists pinned beside his head. Loki stills, but it takes Thor a while to realize Loki’s disengagement. Sometimes it was rough, the sex—before the tower that is—but Loki knows, Thor had made a vow to never take Loki unwillingly again, and Loki doubts Thor would break it now. He couldn’t be desperate enough or stupid enough for it. Not right now anyway. Loki isn’t in the mood.    

“Loki?” Thor asks tentatively.

Loki remains still.

Thor, the silly oaf, is still unsure of what happened and only partially pulls off of him. Loki can feel Thor’s gaze and tries to free his wrists. When Thor lets go, Loki pushes him off. Loki does his best too-tired-face-I’m-sorry face and stands up.

“Are you alright Loki?” Thor asks again.

Loki wants to roll his eyes, but opts for yawning.

“You’re tired? Of course!” Thor bursts, “I’m so sorry, I forgot! You’ve been spinning all morning.” Thor pulls Loki back into bed and spoons him.

Loki wiggles in exasperation and gets out of bed again. This time he walks towards the door and points, with a small regretful smile for Thor, hopefully the message would be obvious this time.

“Did you want me to leave Loki?”

Loki hurriedly turns away because this time he couldn’t help it, he rolls his eyes. Loki brings his hand up and brushes his hair back in what he hopes is a bashful and coy manner, he blinks several times and opens his eyes wide to make an apologetic face.

 Loki knows whenever he does that, Thor can’t help but look at his unfocused eyes and feel guilty. As predicted, Loki hears Thor get up and come over. Thor presses a kiss into his hair and leaves. Loki waits a moment and then goes to retrieve the second tapestry Thor had ever given him.

It was the second tapestry Thor brought him that taught him how to use his thread, or rather, anything he ever touched, as an extension of himself. It took energy, but it was worth it. Loki could communicate with his children and he could keep an eye on the entire kingdom, anywhere his tapestries traveled his magic could reach. He remembered the first time he tried to speak with his thoughts.

_Hela was outside, she had been roughly dragged from Loki’s chambers in the palace and was being chained outside. Loki reached out his thoughts to her._

**_Daughter._ **

_She looked around in obvious confusion._

**_Daughter. Do not fear. Odin does this to threaten me. I will not let him hurt you. I will give him what he wants._ **

_Hela’s mind rebelled; Loki knew she wanted to protest. Father and daughter were both proud people with no illusions of the world’s kindness._

**_Do not fear. I have only heard rumors of sorcerers imbuing creations with magic before and I put no stock into such rumors, but now I have felt it! If there is one, there is more. This tapestry contains magic, as soon as I am able, I will read it. Daughter! They were_ wrong _magic need not be spoken to be performed. It’s not long now._**

_People loudly entered the room._

Since then his daughter has gone far, she took Odin’s plans for her and turned them into her own plans. 

_iii. I feel the tender furrows of your_

It is so close to being over. He can almost hear the victory march of the Jotuns to the capital. He’d had enough of his thread sent to Hela over the years that the entire Jotun army can be rendered invisible. They would take action soon. He may end up missing this tower despite all the frustration it is has given him.

_The first week in the tower, Loki had been calm, though his feet are sore and bruised from not knowing where he was going and his dratted tongue wouldn’t even let him curse. He was in control and had a plan. He would not spin thread unless they let him out. He simply wouldn’t. If only they let him have his tongue to negotiate, he could convince the guards outside to take him to Odin. They hadn’t. And he had no pen and paper, but he was resourceful so he wrote with his food, but they would never reply. He asked for Thor with the juice from the pomegranate seeds that came with his supper one day, but he doubts the message was relayed or if Thor was even permitted to visit. But he could wait, because they needed his thread and they wouldn’t get it unless he got what he wanted, which would have to start with getting out of the tower and from there he could ask for more, until he had what he needed. But he only needed to get out. He was capable of gathering resources, if they didn’t give him what he wanted after the first request, he was confident he could get whatever he needed on his own._

_They didn’t let him out the first week or the second, but he was patient. On the third week they stopped giving him food. But he wouldn’t crack. They needed him. They wouldn’t let him die. This was just a threat. Loki thought he could handle starvation. His peasant blood would kick in and help him, surely, and he was stubborn, he could die before he broke. And he wasn’t even a normal peasant, he had magic in his blood, he could last for months. Though he body was not use to it and had started to get weaker and he found it easier to lie down than to explore his room. He would still last._

_Odin knew, and on the last day of the third month he finally sent Thor. Loki could sense when Thor entered. It was funny, but even though he could no longer voice his spells it was as if he could feel the magic in the air constantly enhancing his senses. He wanted to chuckle when he heard Thor beginning to cry. Thor had crossed over to his bed and knelt by his side. Loki was very amused. He was the one who’d been here for nearly four months and Thor was the one reduced to tears._

_Oh! The poor boy had thought Loki was on his deathbed. Someone was lying to the boy._

_Apparently Odin had sent Thor to bring Loki to his senses, to tell him how he was wasting his life like this. Loki wanted to tell Thor how that wasn’t true. That he wasn’t going to die. Because Odin needed Loki, and this was a game and Odin knew it wasn’t winning if you just break the opponent’s chess pieces. Odin wanted to conquer, not destroy, that’s how kings were supposed to think, the ambitious ones anyway—the one’s that didn’t stop at winning the war. Thor wouldn’t understand though, all he could see was killing the opponent, he didn’t look to see what happened after, when you left the children to grow into enemies._

_It was alright though; Loki could play the game well enough for both of them._

**_I’m not dying._ ** _Loki traces words onto Thor’s palm to comfort him._

_Loki smiles. Thor is blubbering about how Loki is delirious and of course he’s dying, why won’t he just give in and help Odin._

**_Get me out._ **

_Thor makes this choked noise like Loki is asking him to kill his unborn children. Loki knew Thor wouldn’t be able to do it, but he had to ask. It’ll make it easier for Thor to accept tasks less demanding when Loki needs something._

**_Do you remember when we were little and I read you that book on oddly colored breakfast foods? I want you to bring me that book._ **

_Loki pauses. He needed to make sure Thor gets it to him quickly, he’d hidden a vial inside the hollowed book._

**_Something to ease the rest of my days._ **

_Thor makes another tortured sound at that and gets up. Thor’s warmth was comforting and it hurts Loki a little that Thor isn’t there, but he’ll be back, after that last message Thor should be back before the night is up. Not that he could really tell when night was._

That plan hadn’t worked out though. Thor never did bring him the book, but had brought back some tapestry depicting a scene _from_ the book. No matter, that tapestry had given Loki a will to live, he was grateful.

Loki can smell the coming rain. It was the kind of day to spin.

Today he would spin enough for a handkerchief for Thor. Any day now the Jotuns should come, it would not do for them to accidently kill his Thor. While Thor was useless at times, he loved Loki. After all of this is done, Loki knows he still would. Thor would need his protection; he had learned how incompetent Thor could be when they were young.

_Thor brandishes his sword about, “When I’m older, I’m going to take over Jotunheim! I’ll go to war and wipe out their army.”_

_Loki looks up from his book, “Why?”_

_Thor climbs down from the wall, “Isn’t it obvious? If I don’t, they’ll kill us all.”_

_“People don’t kill without reason.” Loki looks back at his book, “You just gave me your reason for killing the Jotuns.”_

_“Loki! It’s different! The Jotuns want our lands!” Thor is now jumping up and down, Loki smiles, Thor is no doubt on the cusp of a tantrum. “We’ve never invaded Jotunheim!”_

_“Thor,” Loki blanks his expression to mask his amusement. “Asgard used to belong to the Jotuns, your father overthrew a Jotun dynasty that had reigned here for hundreds of years.”_

_Thor’s face shows his hesitancy, “That isn’t an invasion though…”_

_“Oh?” Loki closes his book, he wants to see what Thor has to say._

_“Yeah! Odin was prophesized to take this land! It rightfully belongs to him!” Thor grinned and ran around with his wooden sword._

Thor was heir, but he had no sense of how to rule, all he could see was war, which would be fine if Asgard had limitless resources. But Loki could see, Thor would wage war until supplies, people, funds ran out. And then he would take what he needed from what he conquered, until the day that his conquered territories equals Asgard in strength and their hatred matches Asgard’s blood thirst. When that day comes, Asgard would be destroyed from the inside out.

Loki could see it. If left unchecked, there could be no other course, but Odin did nothing to curb Thor. So he took matter into his own hands. He would be the only one capable of curbing Thor. And yet, all of the plotting to put Thor on the throne with Loki as his minister had taken from him his sight and his tongue.

 

_iv. love deepening upon your brow_

 

Loki hears Thor thunder up the stairs, “Loki! They’ve withdrawn!”

Loki stops spinning and rises. He moves over to the window. After many decades of living with Thor, he has learned that unless there is a valid reason Thor cannot tackle him—for example, falling out a window—Thor _will_ tackle him.

“Their troops were simply reduced by half two mornings ago! There’s no trace of their reinforcements coming!” Thor reaches the doorway.

As predicted, Thor slows downs when sees Loki by the window, Loki can hear the stomping footsteps retard.

Loki is wrapped in Thor’s arms. Loki knows that Asgard may fall as early as the morrow so he bears with the horrible stench and feel of sweat seeping into his clothing.

“Loki! With this news, Odin may let you out!” Loki is twisted around by Thor. Loki can feel Thor bend his face to Loki’s. Thor has always been affectionate, and Loki has always been indulgent when he’s going to win so he tilts his face towards Thor and allows Thor to kiss him. If the Jotun are here, it would be better this way anyway.

Loki pulls Thor toward the bed and pulls him down. He traces into Thor _these are the things that are true_. On Thor’s left bicep _you are strong._ His right _it does not mean I am weak._ He mouths along Thor’s back _you have helped more times_ and brings Thor’s left hand behind him to tongue _and to such a degree as you will never know_ and his right hand as well _but you have not saved me_. He kisses Thor deeply to make him understand _I love you._

 

_v. as I move to kiss you. I instead bite and break skin._

 

At his birth, the oracle had prophesized that, if it wasn’t prosperity that Loki brought to the kingdom, it would be through Loki’s magic that the King would one day die and the kingdom would fall into the hands of the Jotuns. It was known by all the lands that magic was spoken. So while he wasn’t born mute nor blind. On the day he was taken to the tower, he was silenced.

_“Loki! We shouldn’t have done that.” Thor cried out. Loki shifted. The stone step was making his legs numb._

_“It would’ve worked if you didn’t chicken out at the last moment.”_

_Thor looked torn. He wrung his hands and paced back and forth. “Oh Loki, I don’t want to be king.”_

_It was making Loki dizzy. “Well I don’t want to spin thread all day.”_

_The guards came in and took Loki to the throne room. Thor trailed along._

_There weren’t many people in the room. The ones in the long robes looked suspicious though._

_Loki was forced to his knees. Odin began to speak._

_“Loki, we have cared for you in place of your parents for fifteen years. As this country’s regent I have made you a beloved son not just to this family but to this kingdom. And in your betrayal you betray not just this family, but this country by corrupting the young prince and planning treason. Death would too kind for you. But I am merciful. For your crimes your sight will be taken so that you can see with your heart the pain you caused that you could never see with your eyes. And I will give you a chance to redeem yourself, to make good of your existence. You will be locked in the Eien Tower to spin until you have learned to appreciate all you have been given.”_

_Loki laughed. “You know that tower can’t hold me.”_

_“You think your magic can conquer all Loki? The mages here are to bind you. Your tongue will never stir the elements again. Never to call animal or spirit to your bidding. Never to corrupt another.”_

_Loki tried to call his magic to flee, but he was caught. The robed ones had been chanting since he arrived. He began to struggle physically now, trying to throw off the guards, but he was simply picked up and carried away. Apparently the sentence was to be carried immediately._

He hadn’t left the tower since.

He still remembered the horrible feeling of emptiness in the first days, still had nightmares of it.

_He feels it, the **nothing,** the lack of magic, of his children. He wants to feel his children, to know that they hadn’t been killed, left vulnerable by Odin’s orders and killed by ignorant people. His mind plagues him with images of Fenrir stuck down while chained. Sleipnir dying in battle for some war of Odin’s. Hela dragged out and executed. Jormungandr drowned in the seas or slayed and labeled monster.       _

When Loki wakes up, he can feel it, the wards are broken.

A guard bursts into the room. “Your highness!” He shouts, “The Jotuns have taken the castle!”

 

_vi. Do you move._

 

Loki dares Thor, bares his throat and waits. It hadn’t taken Thor long to figure out Loki had a hand in the Jotun victory. It was a matter of time before Thor would confront him. Thor raises his hammer, but Loki still doesn’t flinch because Thor won’t. Loki opens his eyes wide and glares. They are as they have been since the tower, unseeing—as predicted, Thor wavers. Loki can taste his hesitation, sense the way Thor must be trembling.     

He had chosen long ago not to run, and he won’t run now.

Thor asks in a broken voice, “Why?” Loki can feel the way Thor must be staring at him, heartbroken, betrayed, confused. “Why Loki?”

Loki turns away. He doesn’t know how Thor wants him to answer. Thor’s palm is calloused as ever.

**What did you expect Thor? For me to stay in the tower, blind and mute until I die? Without ever being able to be with my children again? Was I to bear the injustice of it all— of not living—just for you? So that you could go and conquer worlds and then when you deem it fit to come back to me, you could barge in and expect me to welcome you and be happy?**

“Loki!” Thor shouts and draws back his hand. Loki is sure Thor’s mouth is open, and the idiot is trying to think of something to say. Thor ends up stammering out an “I love you.”

**I wish you could hear me when I say “I love you.”**

“Loki…” Thor trails off, “You betrayed your own nation.”

 **It’s not a betrayal Thor.** Loki pauses and recalls a particular moment. **It was prophesized. That’s why Odin never “invaded” Jotunheim right? It may be the end of “Asgard,” but it is the start of prosperity for the nation.**

Thor is speechless again. Loki sighs and goes to sit down.

**You can leave. Go with Frigga and Odin to the Sunoutian Mountains. I won’t chase you down and slay all of your family, or forget about killing your niece and then come back later to kill her and kidnap her child because of some prophecy. Not like your father.**

Loki doesn’t hear Thor move until the sun sets and then he leaves without saying anything. Loki remains in the room.

_vii. Forgive me for I cannot see beyond my mind._

The country was being repaired. Jotunheim had no reason to continue war now that it had lands with access to the ocean. Since the war ended, resources previously devoted to the war could be put to better use. There was peace throughout the eastern continent.

Loki wishes he could say it has only been days since he’d last seen Thor. It had been months. It was disappointing. There was no real fight, no shouting or yelling. Thor just left.

He doesn’t know what to do. He wants Thor back beside him, but to use force would end up killing some part of Thor that Loki can’t bear to destroy. Yet, without Thor, life to him seems so bleak that it is like dying. The only joy Loki has is the freedom of his children.

He plans to leave Thor alone for a little while longer, but it won’t be fair if things stay the way they are. He wants his sight back, to be able to speak, to have Thor by his side.

Loki closes his eyes and dreams of when they were younger.

_Loki was flirting with Balder. He loved the way Balder would turn bright pink and try to turn away, but never tried to shake Loki’s hand off. They were inside Idunn’s orchard. Loki was trying to convince Balder to take some apples back for later. Thor was suppose to be in the courtyard, sparring._

_Balder had been pressed against the trunk of a tree and Loki was reaching past him, pressing their bodies together to make Balder more flustered, when Thor roughly pulled Loki off Balder and dragged him away._

_Thor roughly threw Loki against a post. Loki didn’t understand why Thor was so upset. He hadn’t done anything, not really. Thor kept staring at his mouth._

_Thor began to shout, “Loki! You are a son of Odin! You should know better than to go about kissing boys in public!”_

_Loki frowned, “Kissing?”_

_Thor flushes and averts his eyes._

**_Oh._ **

_“Is it better then? To bring him to my chambers?” Loki asks cautiously._

_Thor turns back to Loki and glares at him._

_Loki opens his eyes wider and says, “Oh Thor! Forgive me! I wasn’t thinking! **Of course I should have brought him to my chambers!** It would be much better than lying in the dirt.”_

_Thor brings his fist up, as if to hit Loki and Loki raises his eyebrow, surely Thor wouldn’t think that he would get away with such an act._

_Thor lowers his fist and Loki smiles then leans forward to kiss Thor._

There is a large thunk sound of someone tripping; none of the lights are on.

“Loki.”

It is Thor, the oaf.

Loki waves the lights on so Thor can see him. He keeps the surprise off his face and steels himself.

“Loki,” Thor whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Loki rises and kisses Thor, presses his tongue in and pulls Thor towards the bed. Thor pulls back.

“Loki—,“ Thor gasps out, “I love you.”

Loki connects their minds, **I know.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no Beta, and I am sorry for mistakes. If you see them, point them out. And! This is actually part of a major universe I may not be able to finish, (depending on inspiration) so if there are any questions, you may ask and I will answer.


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